i can do hard things.

this post has been marinating in my mind for a few weeks now. i've hesitated to actually sit down and write it because i have wanted it to be good-- to be empowering, to be insightful, to be full of heart. 

i'm not completely sure that i'll ever actually make the time to sit down and write something powerful, but just for my own sake + maybe the sake of my posterity or something, i'll start here. 

this summer, i realized something really, really important:
i can do hard things. 

i've heard the phrase tossed around for a while now, and it never really meant much to me. for years, i have just kind of experienced life as it's come. i've dealt with my struggles and celebrated my successes for a short time before moving onto the next thing, never really actually thinking about the significance of what i was going through. 

and then this summer, it's like every challenge i could possibly think of piled up and smacked me in the face. i started an incredibly rigorous/tedious/intense program at johns hopkins, with over 35 hours of class time a week (and then studying). i moved across the country, into a completely unfamiliar culture. i helped my husband complete the immigration process and prepare for interviews. i moved my little business into a new market, networked, and tried to balance work with school. i helped my husband adjust to life in the united states; i helped him apply for jobs and for school and worked with him in his quest to conquer english. i figured out all sorts of things that newlyweds just have to figure out. and then i got sick. really, chronically, frustratingly sick... again. 

there were so many times that i couldn't figure it all out... i couldn't figure out how one person could possibly bear all of it. how this little body of mine could overcome such stress and anxiety. how i could survive the summer, and be successful at that. 

but you know what? i survived. i did it. i can do hard things. 

i write this not to toot my own horn or tell you how awesome i am. i write this to reassure you, that in fact, you can do hard things too. you are stronger than you think. 

after i completed my last final a few weeks ago, i took a deep breath of that fresh (?) baltimore air, looked up at the sky, and sighed. i couldn't believe that i had survived... that i had passed my classes! that i had been able to make it through a semester of hell-- a semester that pushed me to my limits emotionally and physically on a consistent basis. i looked back on the countless hours of late night studying, the photocopying of birth certificates and leases and all sorts of other evidence to prove we're in fact in love and genuinely married, + all of the physical pain i endured. and just like that, my confidence boosted 115 percent... all because i gave myself a second and a half to be proud of myself.

i know that we're never given challenges too great for us to bear, although sometimes it may seem like too much. we can pull through; we can always pull through. and once we've crossed that finish line, oh, how good it feels!

if you're struggling or going through your own trials, please keep your chin up. know that it will all work out, in the end. i like to remember what my friend gordie b. says,
"it isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. it all works out. don't worry.
i say that to myself every morning.
it will all work out.
put your trust in god, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future.
the lord will not forsake us. he will not forsake us."

lean on those who love you. let them help you. let them feel your pains for a minute. i cannot tell you how wonderful my husband, parents, family, and friends have been; it may seem cliché, but i could not have made it through without them.

keep your faith. do not lose hope in sunnier days.

treat (yo)self. seriously, take a second to breathe. to eat popsicles and nap and read your favorite book. sometimes, it's okay to let your guard down. and even cry a little (or a lot).

you can do hard things.

and although i'd love to say that this is a completely retrospective concept, it's not. maybe that's why i'm writing this, so i can revisit it in a few weeks or months or years. so i can be reminded. i'd love to tell you that i'm done with every hard thing in my life. that i'm out of school, that i have perfected the art of marriage, that i'm not still suffering from a very depressing, mystery illness. but none of that is the case. i have a long road ahead of me. so with that in mind, i'll just keep remembering this little nugget of strength:
behold, god is my salvation. i will trust, and not be afraid; for the lord jehovah is my strength and my song; he also has become my salvation. -2 nephi 22:2 

he is risen!

last easter, i was in sydney, australia. 

it was my first morning there; i was ridiculously jet-lagged... still getting used to the time zone changes and accents and trying to figure out why everyone was dressed in fall colors. 

despite my darling cousin's best intentions (and amazing roasted lamb dinner), i couldn't really catch that easter vibe.

this easter, everything was perfect. 

i threw together a last-minute easter basket for my mateo (oops-- it kinda just snuck up on me! but it was his first easter basket!), we worshipped in church, + mateo cooked sudado, this traditional peruvian fish dish that they always eat on easter, for dinner.

i felt the spirit of christ, a lightness of heart, a very particular happiness. 

and it was all because of him. 

i really, truly, 100% believe that spring blossoms are like little bursts of bottled up happiness. as is this video. it's so compelling and artistically done and so, so true. 

happy easter, everyone! 

saying aloha to elder gleave.

sometimes, you blink for .2 seconds, and your (not-so-little-anymore) brother is completely grown up, into a remarkable, kind, and admirable man. 

he's quite independent and determined and ready to go serve the Lord for two full years. 

i know it's cliché to say, but i really never have been prouder of my younger brother, bennett. he's sacrificing two of his "most exciting" years of school, of friends, of family to serve others and to bring them to Christ and to a gospel that he has grown to love so dearly. he's ready to face challenges, to work hard, and to love. 

i've always been so lucky to have my best friends also be my brothers and also some of my greatest examples. i love how benny makes everyone around him smile and is constantly full of such happiness and love. he epitomizes happy-go-lucky and has a way of making people feel comfortable and completely at ease.

and it's for these reasons i know he was hand-picked to go to hawaii. he will have such an incredible influence on the people there as he serves with love. i cannot wait to see the people he touches, the growth he experiences, and the happiness that he shares.

he's going to be one heck of a missionary. and the cutest one out there, at that!

love you so much, bennett! and i look up to you more and more every day. 

paz.

i'll be the first to admit that this world seems like an ever-turbulent place. 

sometimes, it's all just too much.

but there is one place i know i can go to feel peace and love and comfort. 

the temple always reminds me of a living, loving heavenly parent and savior. 

and no matter what religion you are, i think there's nothing more comforting than a real awareness of a greater love out there.

and really, when i'm in doubt, it all comes down to this...

creo en cristo. 

san diego, lds temple. 

so this is the new year!

year two thousand and twelve was absolutely insane...

it was the best and the worst and non-stop busyness all at once. 

i have so much to be grateful for.

i finished my last classes on campus at brigham young university.

i traveled and traveled and traveled.

i overcame most of my chronic illnesses and several difficult trials.

i photographed dozens of beautiful people and events.

i completed 54 credits... and successfully, at that!

i developed many new friendships and strengthened old ones.

i was accepted to johns hopkins university for graduate school.

and i grew closer to my lord and savior, jesus christ.

this new years, i found myself overwhelmed with gratitude as i contemplated my past year. 

grateful for all of the incredible people i have in my life, for my experiences, and for my religion. 

i celebrated new year's eve in orange county with two of my best friends and many other new friends.

we spent the evening dining, chatting, dancing, blasting "come on eileen" as we drove down the intestate, and relaxing by the fire.

and as we rang in the new year,

i felt this incredible sense of optimism.

you know what? 

it feels good to be one of those twenty somethings with the world at my fingertips, 

surrounded by the greatest of friends and family,

and a year full of opportunities and adventures that await. 

so, here goes nothing, 2013. 

let's make it a good one! 

city lights.

there are few things on this planet that can get a person in the christmas spirit faster than the annual lights at temple square.

a few weeks ago, i spent a friday night up in salt lake with some dear friends,

braving the rain and admiring the lights.

we finished the night off with some peppermint chocolate chip shakes, 

followed by that inexplicable happiness that only christmas can explain.

sometimes.

sometimes, i get a little lost.

and then i remember the beauty of the world... of the simplest little pieces of it,

and i know that there's a loving, ever-watchful god. 

modesty.

i've been doing some thinking lately. 

thinking on the topic of modesty...

how we choose to dress, act, and present ourselves,

and how it impacts others. 

i dress modestly because i respect myself.

i dress modestly because i respect my heavenly father. 

and lately, i've realized the importance of dressing modestly to respect others.

like the little girl sitting across from me in the parking lot shuttle at the salt lake city airport last weekend.

eight years old, she was the epitome of innocence.

clad in basketball shorts, a nike tee with the word "athlete" printed across it, and sneakers,

her blue eyes peeked out behind her messy pony tail.

and the way she looked at me, i could tell that she thought i was cool. 

even though i was terribly sleep deprived and felt less than glamourous, 

i could tell by the look on her face and her frequent, shy glances in my direction that she was admiring me. 

i'm sure it didn't have to do with much more than the fact that i was a twenty-something, plugged into my iphone with car keys in tow (i've since recalled how i believed everyone who could drive to be so cool when i was that age),

but i realized that this girl noticed me. 

and not only did she notice me, she looked up to me.

and at that moment, i was really, really grateful that i was dressed modestly. 

because you know what? 

you never know who's looking at you. 

you never know who you'll affect a few days, months, years down the road.

i'm sure grateful for the many strong women i've been surrounded by throughout the years who instilled values in me.
on a lighter note, i'm also grateful that cropped pants and maxi dresses are in style this summer.

photo taken with some of my favorite women outside el teatro real, madrid 2011. (OH, MI CORÁZON!)

easter.

he is risen!

i love easter. 

and the chance we get to reflect on christ, his life, and his infinite atonement.

i spent the day enjoying the beautiful weather,

at a lovely church service, 

eating far too much chocolate,

and spending time with family.

today was a good reminder of what's important.

and this spring, i'm going to try a bit harder to always keep that in mind.


photo taken at the smithsonian castle when i was in d.c. last week. yum.

choosing fear or faith.

i'm sorry i've been so absent as of late. 

it's really the same old excuses [work + school + a little bit of illness].

sometimes, i let the pressure get to me and really weigh me down. 

but i am grateful for a faith, friends, and a family that buoy me back up. 

i'm really relating to this right now

and love her story. 

i love when she mentions how it's not what we do that defines us...

i think this is something a lot of us should remember more often.

we are all children of god.
what we do and what we're successful at is just a teeny part of who we are.

scripture sunday.

i love this little promise right now:

"nevertheless, after much tribulation, the Lord did hear my cries, and did answer my prayers, and has made me an instrument in his hands in bringing so many of you to a knowledge of his truth."

-mosiah 23:10

i also love this. 

happpppy sunday!

youth.

sorry i'm being a bit wordy lately. 

words have just struck me lately... and i've been reminded why i used to be so fond of them.

when reading this earlier today, i came across the following: 

"how beautiful is youth! how bright it gleams with its illusions, aspirations, dreams!"

-henry wadsworth longfellow

and then i thought back to this weekend. 

to the two living-room forts i played inside,

to the raucous dance party held in a parking garage i boogied at,

to the frontyard bonfire i attended,

to the many, many tacos i consumed and the saturday night basketball game i cheered at,

to my impactful sunday at church.

and i realized that mister longfellow was spot on. 

amidst the stressful studies, feelings of being overworked, and post-teen angst, 

this time of life really is so bright. 

i have so much to be grateful for from my past and in my present... and i have so much to look forward to in the future.

really though,

these feet have been to some pretty cool places in recent years... can't wait to see where they take me in the next little while! 

so here's to a bright (sort of) senior year and 2012... 

faith.

this strengthened me today:

"my son, be faithful in Christ; and may not the things which I have written grieve thee, to weigh thee down unto death; but may Christ lift thee up, and may his sufferings and death, and the showing his body unto our fathers, and his mercy and long-suffering, and the hope of his glory and of eternal life, rest in your mind forever."

-moroni 9:25

i am so grateful for a religion that brings me such comfort and joy. 

i really do not know where i'd be without it. 

caribbean christmas.

merry christmas, everyone! 

or, as my people say... FELIZ NAVIDAD! 

i just might've snuck away from you all (unintentionally, i promise) and adventured to the caribbean for the last week with my family and our wonderful family friends. 

and really, it was the best. 

we spent the week in sunny honduras, belize, and mexico...

swimming, eating, relaxing, laughing, dancing, and adventuring. 

we lucked out with perfect weather and a perfect execution of our travel plans.

we flew back to the snow (in denver) this morning, so we're moving christmas back a day.

you know, it's a bit difficult to do the christmas thing when you're busy snorkeling and stuffing your face for seven days straight (i'll get to that later).

sorry for leaving you for a week; i mean, i know you missed me and were seriously concerned about my whereabouts and well being...
it's not like you've been busy living your own, busy holiday seasons or anything!
KIDDING. 

buuuut to make it up to you, i've got loads and loads of awesome stories, photos, and memories to send your way! 

so to the gleave family... merry christmas "eve"! 

we're celebrating tonight with our traditional mexican food, games, and christmas movies. 

(okay, and a little NBA... you know us, after all).

and to the rest of the world... merry christmas!

i wish everyone love, warmth, and happiness this christmas season, as we remember Christ and his influence in our lives. 

to catch the real meaning of the spirit of christmas, we need only drop the last syllable and it becomes the spirit of christ. 

-thomas s. monson

photo ® anna gleave photography 2011. cozumel, mexico. 

where do you turn for peace?

for me, it's here.

and here.

and here.

the hard times... they've gotta pass.
but until then, i'll keep holding tight to Christ and to those i love.

happy sunday.


photo ® anna gleave photography 2011.

post script: nine eleven.

i just stumbled upon this video on a friend's blog, and i thought it was too good not to share.

it sums up some of what i was trying to say in my post below, in a much more real and eloquent manner. 

it's a really, really beautiful story.

please take the eight minutes to watch it. 

the long road back...

i've been thinking for a while what to say, how to explain my sudden, unexplained absence from here. and there is really no way to explain it without getting really personal. i'll try and keep it a little bit ambiguous at least, for your sake.

i've spent the past week or so mourning, recovering, and attempting to take a break from my own life.

i have suffered from three years of chronic illness now.

i've had periods of hope-- times when i felt as if i was getting better.

but mostly, i've experienced a lot of pain.

waking up every day feeling awful and trying to find the motivation to get out of bed is difficult. and after three years, it's taxing.

i was blessed with relatively good health for the first part of my stay in europe, but then illness returned midway through my adventures. and it hasn't left since.

so i returned to see my doctor last weekend. and after a week of antibiotics & steroids, it looks like surgery is the only option.

another surgery. surgery number four in the past two years.

this news changed my life... or at least re-shaped my path for the time being.

i am now faced with the heartbreak of giving up a dream.

and another uncertain era of illness.

i think the uncertainty is the hardest part.

i have tried so, so hard to maintain positivity throughout this whole experience.

but this week, i let myself feel sorry. and feel sad. and cry.

i don't know what the future will bring, but i do know that i've been given so much strength and courage throughout these past three years.

i feel so lucky to have been able to accomplish and experience so much, even if i had to "fake" good health to make it happen.

i'm so grateful for those who have stuck with me through all of this.

for my family, who is continually encouraging me, nursing me, and loving me.

i am grateful that my health isn't worse. because i know very well that it could be.

i am thankful for the knowledge i have of eternal life, of what's to come.

and that i know the Lord has felt what i'm feeling, infinite times over.

and someday, i know i will get through this.

and i'll be the good, fun old anna again.

and with this knowledge, i will continue onward.

it's not going to be easy, but i can do it.

i will regain my optimism,

because in the end, it will all work out.

in other words...

i'm back.

thanks for sticking around.

inolvidable.

it really doesn't take much to remember that we're all children of God,

that we're loved beyond measure.

my time in spain with these people truly reinforced this idea for me--

that no matter where we come from, where we go, or how we choose to live,

we are blessed and loved.

i am grateful for the chance i had to live in spain...

to get to know such a wonderful group of people,

and to have incredible experiences every day.

la luz.

montserrat, spain.

vosotros sois la luz del mundo; una ciudad asentada sobre un monte no se puede esconder.

así alumbre vuestra luz delante de los hombres, para que vean vuestras buenas obras y glorifiquen a vuestro Padre que está en los cielos.

-mateo 5:14&16

easter.

spring is one of the three seasons i love.

and one of the reasons i love it so much is because the idea of rebirth is so apparent and far-reaching.

the snow melts away, and flowers bloom.

the cold fades to bring a new sense of liveliness and joy in the warmth and sunshine.

there is a chance for everyone-- and everything-- to start over again.

i feel this way about easter.

easter represents Christ and his beautiful gift to us... the chance to become clean and start over again.

i am incredibly grateful for this gift, and for the opportunity i have to start over.

whether it be daily, every spring, or in the eternities, the Lord knows when i need a fresh start, and He offers it to me.

feliz pascua!

i hope you're all having the loveliest of springs.